I've been thinking a lot about friendship lately. Making friends has not always come easily to me. I am basically a shy person (some of you who have known me for a while may not believe this), until you get to know me. It is part of where my phone phobia comes from. I had a hard time fitting in as a child. I struggled with my weight (still do!). I was teased and even bullied at times. This didn't make finding friends any easier.
As I have gotten older, I still have some of the same struggles. That inner voice still tells me that no one will like me. That I am not as pretty, certainly not as thin, and I am BORING. I sometimes struggle with finding where I fit in. Some of you who followed my old blog, know that I had a pretty bad falling out with some friends from high school a couple of years ago. It was bad. And as my 25 year reunion approaches (in 2 years, but some of us are starting to talk about plans on FB), I am encountering some of those people on the reunion group page. It all comes back to me like a stinging slap in the face. I remind myself, however, that I am a stronger person now. I have value. I have worth.
Lately, I have been really thinking about this issue of fitting in. I can look back and realize that the fall out with those supposed friends was really due to one thing. My faith and their lack of it. I have no judgment in that statement. I am not saying I am better than they are. What I am saying is that my choice to practice my faith was at odds with their choice not to. When we were young and single, it didn't seem to matter as much. Now that I am older and have impressionable children, it is tantamount that I surround myself with friends in the same struggle. Friends who have the same goal-raising our children to get to Heaven.
I consider myself very blessed to have found friends who support me, and whom I can support right back. Some are those who read this blog whom I have never met in real life, one is someone who has not left my side since we reconnected about 10 years ago, others are from my book club, and many are those whom I have surrounded myself with at my parish and in my children's school, including the mother to my beautiful god-daughter. While I still sometimes hear that inner voice of my youth, I am better able to quiet it. I have some wonderful, faith-filled people surrounding me who do remind me that I have value. I have worth, and we are in this together. I do fit in. Perhaps I always did, but I needed these people in my life to show me.
8 comments:
Beautiful my friend. Some people reach the age of 65 still feeling those inadequacies. You just have to continue to stand on your principles and your faith. God rewards you for it.
Love you:)
I was not overweight in school (I am now - lol!). However, I always felt like I did not fit in at all in school. I was also picked on and teased. Perhaps partly because of my parents strict religious values. I was never allowed to go to parties and such. I was never invited, either! As I continue to learn more about myself, I think I may have(and still do) suffered from some kind of disorder. Very mild Asperger's? Borderline Personality Disorder?? I don't know. But I do obsess over what people think of me all the time. I do not have either the self confidence or the "don't care attitude" my husband has. Sad thing is, my 8 year old looks like she may be following in my footsteps. She cares about others so much!! No comment slides of her and she just does not have the social skills her 6 year old sister has. God has made us all so different. I just remember, "Blessed are the meek and poor in spirit..."
Therese....someone told me once that God brings some people into our lives as forever friends..some He brings for a brief moment for a look, a smile, or some other brief encounter. Some people He brings to our lives for a season...or even many seasons. People come in and out of our lives as He sees fit. We mourn those relationships and then move on. I know the "sting" you mention all too well. I suppose that the sting you feel will be sore and possibly fester for some time...until we allow the Heavenly Balm that only He can provide to heal it. Once the wound itself is gone, it can sometimes leave a scar (depending upon how deep the wound was), but it doesn't hurt anymore. A scar is just a reminder of past hurts.
I pray that your scar that these "friends" left you fades quickly (as they sometimes do).
I just know how blessed I am to call you my friend. I KNOW that I KNOW that I KNOW that if we had been friends earlier in life....there would have been no separating us. Thank you, for being honest about fitting in...and thank you for your gift of friendship!
Wow, being transparent is never the easiest thing...I give you so much credit for being open and vulnerable in this post! I, too, was not the popular girl, I kept to myself because of my insecurities that noone would love me...which comes from my childhood:( I had and now have had friends who despise my faith and still do. I now have realized that I am who God made me to be, although not perfect, I consider myself to have worth...it's been a long journey but one that I can say has brought me peace in who I am. You are a beautiful person, you are who god called you to be and I am so happy to have met you, and love the fact that we share the same values and love for Christ...I am positive God puts us together here and now for a reason, can't wait to see what this friendship brings in the future!
Therese,
My 20th reunion is this August. I am not attending. I was 1 of over 500 students. Out of all of those students I've kept in touch with about 5. I wasn't popular in HS but I wasn't a loner either. I could hang out with just about anyone. The thing is, the 5 friends I made in HS and continue to talk to today are the ones I really care to spend my time with. They are the ones who shaped who I am then and now.
God has brought many people in and out of my life. He has taught me some very difficult lessons about friendships and friendships for seasons. The hardest lesson for me has been to learn like and be a friend to myself.
I used to kill myself trying to make others like me. If they didn't I had to know why. It was a horrible feeling always trying to be what other's wanted and never succeeding. It's still hard for me to resist that urge to be a people pleaser but I find if a friendship takes too much energy and leaves me feeling empty or bad about myself it's not a friendship worth keeping. Friends should inspire you and lift you up or encourage you to want to be a better you not drag you down.
Mostly, I am thankful for God who loves me for me. This is the most important lesson I needed to learn.
P.S. I am thankful for friends like you I've met on line. Never in a million years would I have imagined finding such an amazing support system of friends. Thank you for sharing such an honest and intimite part of your heart.
I have had friends come and go. I think some people are really busy, like me, and I just do not have too much time for friends.
Please just be yourself and most "decent" people will lub you! I do!
I get the thing about faith and friends.
Isn't this what makes bloggyland so wonderful? We can find friendships based on faith, not judgements. I always felt like I needed more "friends" until I started blogging and meeting people online. Now I feel totally satisfied. God is good :)
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